me, you, and what could be called us
by nightliqqht
Summary: Funneltail is an total social outcast. Haunted by his past and hated by the Clan leader, he's mostly ignored by the Clan. Flamebird is the Clan leader's sheltered daughter, completely tired with his mousedung. And then Flamebird comes up with a crazy idea. It's stupid and out of spite, but maybe it'll work? That is, if Funneltail goes along with it. *Cover image is a placeholder*
1. idiotic ideas are my favorite

\- flamebird -

I stomp out of the den, my fur on end and my ears flattened. I am so tired of that cat's absolute... "Haredung!" I end up shouting the word, and around 7 pairs of eyes look at me, with perfectly readable expressions, ones that say,_ oh, there goes Flamebird, having _another _fight with her dad, hahahaha isn't she so predictable._

That stupid plan had formed in my mind, listening to him drone on about apprentices and responsibility and how maybe I needed a little bit more, playing the "your mother would have wanted this" card, and generally doing what he did every time I brought anything serious up. A stupid idea, but...

A good one.

"Funneltail!" I call out.

•°•°•

\- funneltail -

What does she want to do with me? Knowing Eveningstar, she'll be dead as soon as he finds out she even spoke my name.

Along with me. He'll kill me first, for even daring to be something she would say the name of.

I follow her into a strange clearing, surrounded by undergrowth. I hope this isn't what I think it is, because if it is, we're both good as dead. No way this cat likes me.

"So... you know how me and Eveningstar fight a lot?" she asks, and I nod silently.

"I have an idea, but I need your help. So you know how he hates you with a passion?"

"Really? I had no idea."

She just stares at me with a patented_ DisappointedEveningstar™_ look.

"Okay, alright, yes, I am completely and utterly aware. He hates me with a passion. Now, your plan?"

"Wepretendtobematesforalittlewhiletoannoyhim?" she asks, her words all smooshed together like the normally fiery Flamebird is, for once, regretting her choices?

_Shut up, you don't know her._

I shut my eyes for what feels like a moon, maybe this pressure will go away?

But when I open them, she's still there.

_This cat is a psychopath._

"Fine." I tell her.

•°•°•

**I'm super excited for this story! The idea is from a writing prompt book on Wattpad by SerenadingBlackbirds, go check it out!**

**So I'll give you an idea of what the characters look like, Flamebird is a orange and white bicolor with yellow-green eyes, and Funneltail a cream Selkirk Rex with amber eyes. I love these characters so much and hope you do too!**

**I will pay reviewers in ramen!**

**\- niqqht**


	2. put your romantic act on

\- flamebird -

_I am an idiot._

_He agreed, Flamebird, what more did you want?_

_I don't know..._

"So, should we get to know each other better so we can act like better mates?"

"Absolutely. We need some nicknames."

_Nicknames?_

_Just be glad he's going along with your harebrained plan._

"...Or something, " he said.

"Nicknames are fine, ummm... what do you want yours to be?"

"Maybe Storm?"

"Why?"

He laughed, and said "Because Funnel_storm _is a better name than Funnel_tail._"

"Okay, I can be..."

_What name did I want but never got?_

"I can be... Dawn. "

•°•°•

\- funneltail -

I still don't know why I went along with this.

"So how exactly are we supposed to act like mates?"

"You think I know?"

"Well, what did your parents act like?" I say before I look at her and see bitterness flash in her eyes for a second, and she looks away.

_For all this cat is worth, she can't hide her emotions._ I immediately hate myself for thinking that and try to change the subject that we're stuck on.

_Think, Funneltail._

"Okay so we can just think of things that mates do? Like twine tails. Mates do that, right?" I say in a bright, cheery voice that seems fitting but dissonant at the same time.

She looks up, grateful and sad at the same time.

"Yeah, I think they do that. And they share tounges in the evening. And... this is going to be incredibly awkward for both of us, but they usually share a nest."

"Sometimes they go on walks, maybe? I'm sorry, I'm really not used to this whole "mates" thing. "

We sit there and brainstorm how to act normal for a good part of the day, until my stomach growls.

"Okay, maybe we should go back, as _you're _probably too hungry to just sit around and talk," she says as I look down at the ground in embarrassment.

"How should we walk into camp?" I ask, realizing it sounds stupid about three words in.

"Ah yes, we must make our entrance," she says in a pretentious-sounding accent, and laughs. "Just do what we agreed on? Maybe like, walk next to each other and twine tails or something."

I still don't know what to think about this whole thing, but I comply, and someone could mistake us for mates, so that'll have to be enough.

I still don't know why I thought this was a good idea.

•°•°•

\- flamebird -

As we walk into camp, I feel... eyes on us, a feeling I'm used to, but here, I'm not sure how to feel. I know cats thought we'd be good together, something I failed to understand, but assumed it was because my dad hated him, so I guess they thought we'd had some kind of legal forbidden relationship, and now they all thought they were right. _Well, we'll humor them._

We get our prey and walk over to a nice-looking corner of the camp, and eat it while talking about other things that we don't know about each other, occasionally fake-grooming each other to act romantic. And I learn some things about him.

His favorite color is orange.

He hates his name.

He loves kits.

He is, according to himself, terrible at hunting.

He also has really soft fur, and is surprisingly good at acting natural.

...I wonder how long he's been practicing...

•°•°•

**Sorry for short chapters, I'll try to up more to make up for it.**

**Anyways, what did you think? I love these characters ❤**

**I will reward reviewers in ramen!**

**\- niqqht**


	3. sleeping next to you and other mysteries

\- funneltail -

It's strange sleeping next to her. The last time I slept in the same nest as someone else was when I was a kit.

Stars, I miss that. It was comforting. I've always thrived on companionship, and it seemed like through all those times when I didn't have anyone, I wilted. Even under the... strange circumstances this whole plan grew under, it was nice being _with_ someone.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Flamebird asks from her spot next to me. It's hard to not confide in her, and I want to bent out everything I'm thinking. But the "fake mate" status doesn't make me someone to her.

"Just stuff."

"Aww, come on. That can't be all!"

...Silence.

"Alright, I'm going to sleep. See you in the morning, Storm!" She curls up next to me, and it's surprisingly nice to feel the warmth of somebody else's fur.

•°•°•

\- flamebird -

As I doze off, I think about other things. It's kind of nice to let my mind wander.

Funneltail is a good cat, right? If I think he's a traitor like Eveningstar says, that makes me like Eveningstar.

_I used to want to be like him._

_I used to pounce on his tail and ride on his back and sat that when I grew up I would be Clan Leader like my dad, pathetically proud of accomplishments that weren't even my own. But back then, Mom was there._

_I still miss her._

I shiver and press closer to Funneltail, who licks my head (fake-romantic for a lot of things but can easily be mistaken for genuine romantic affection) and I decide that maybe, _maybe,_ Eveningstar's opinion doesn't matter as much as everyone acts like it does.

•°•°•

**Thank you so much for reviews! I love this chapter because as boring as it seems, it has some good character ❤**

**We finally get to see a bit of the backstory! Why do you think Eveningstar hates Funneltail? What do you think happened to Flamebird's mom? Any predictions? I won't reveal if or if not they're correct, but they'd be fun to see!**

**\- niqqht**


	4. fun stuff, indeed

\- flamebird -

I step out of my nest into the cold, frosty, air, usual for spring mornings, leaving Funneltail there. He sighs softly in his sleep and curls up. I need to think.

Because as much as I had anticipated this plan, I don't know how we're going to tell the others this was all fake.

There are so many problems with this.

What if something goes wrong and Funneltail turns out to be a bad person?

What if something goes wrong and I turn out... I don't know, expecting kits or something?

What if Eveningstar kills us both?

Because as much as he doesn't deserve it, I still look up to him.

The noises of morning resonate among the camp. Cats coming out of their dens and stretching, cats leaving the camp to go run, just the unmistakable feeling of crisp morning air sends a chill down my spine in a good way.

But at the same time, a cold way?

My pelt never helped much with cold air. People used to say that I didn't need it, my fiery temper would warm me up.

I wish that was true from the bottom of my heart because it suddenly seems very _very _cold out here.

And this is a problem, because Fallingsky thinks it just _might _be a good idea to talk to me and I can_not_ concentrate.

Fun stuff.

And then the great and noble Funneltail decides to make his first appearance.

And maybe just _maybe _I'm grateful for this plan because Funneltail's fur is very _very __very_ warm.

And sure enough, he comes over towards us, sitting down beside me, and still very awkwardly press into his side because I am _shivering _and I guess they were wrong about the "fiery temper will warm me up" thing that I bed as a kit. Once I went out of camp during the middle of _leafbare _to hunt when I didn't even know how to.

That just about sums up everything you need to know about my personality.

Funneltail licks my head awkwardly, and Fallingsky lets out the laugh of somebody who has just had _way _too much catmint.

"You two are _so _cute together!"

"And so are you and Seedflip." I retort, knowing my freind's had a crush on the tall, lithe brown tabby warrior for the past a-long-time.

"Eeeep, no, shut up, they'll hear us talking!"

Funneltail laughs, and he has a good (_not-saying-i'm-romantically-attracted-to-him) _laugh.

"You, Dawn, are a terrible and insensitive person."

"Well, the Dark Forest isn't _too_ bad this time of year... I've even heard it's rather nice."

•°•°•

\- funneltail -

Life was good.

No, life was really good.

Flamebird went to the gathering, and we made a bet on which team would win in Ultimate Mossball.

She won.

Of course she won, I have all the foresight of a frozen slug.

Now I owe her the best prey I can catch tomorrow.

Fun stuff.

But what was the proverbial cherry-on-top of my good horrible day?

After the Gathering patrol gets back, Eveningstar pulls me into his den.

It's Eveningstar. What do you expect?

You know what he talked to me about?

Flamebird, of course.

He just scolded me for "loving" his daughter.

Very fun stuff, indeed.

•°•°•

**yEEEEEET**

**So**

**New chapter!**

**Just a bit of explanation - I have this headcanon that the apprentices from every Clan have a kind of "team" for Ultimate Mossball. They play before Gatherings and people bet on which team they think would win. Shadow's in the lead, and tonight's game was River vs. Sky.**

**so yeah**

**Bai**

**\- niqqht**


	5. look at this place, look at your faces

\- funneltail -

We've been pretending to love each other for a moon now.

Kind of a weird thing to think about.

But in all honesty, Flamebird is a great cat and a great friend. I can say with certainty that there's nobody I'd want to pretend to love more.

She excels at this whole pretending business. From saving me the best prey to telling me sweet things, she acts like she loves me.

And I appreciate it, because I know there's affection behind it. We have some kind of platonic relationship going on where we act romantic, and we're just used to it. It feels... nice.

It's company, what I always wish I had, with someone who's amazing company. What's not to love?

•°•°•

\- flamebird -

It's been a moon.

One moon since I asked him for help with my plan.I

One moon since he said yes.

I'm kind of glad he did, because now I have an excuse to know him.

And he's a great cat.

Seriously, nothing they said was true. They acted like he was some kind of monster.

Meaning Eveningstar thought he was some kind of monster.

It's nice to have a good friend. I mean, I had Fallingsky, but I always wanted more than one friend. I guess now I have that.

And I love it, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

•°•°•

**I am so sorry for not updating, I was busy :3**

**The next few chapters will get a lot longer and more interesting so be patient!**

**What are your opinions on the Funneltail x Flamebird ship?**

**Also if you get the title reference you are my new best friend**

**\- niqqht**


	6. the rational and the broken

\- flamebird -

I ignore the early morning sun filtering into the den and shut my eyes a little tighter. Of course the sun didn't wake me up though. Just this cramp. Maybe I ate a bad rabbit or something? Unclear. Either way, I suck it up and force my eyes open.

I step into the crisp morning air and trudge over to the medicine den, where Sageflower is sorting herbs.

"Oh, Flamebird. What're you here for?"

I shuffle my paws awkwardly, I hate going to the medicine den.

"Just a cramp."

"Okay, then, lie down here and I'll check it out."

My stomach twists. _Is something wrong with me am I going to be okay I'm overthinking this who installed hypochondriac on my brain-_

"Earth to Flamebird?"

"Um... what?"

This is probably why Sageflower finds me annoying.

"I'm finished checking you."

"Oh."

That was faster than I thought.

"Well, what are your results then?"

"Flamebird, can you calm down, for once in your life?"

"I think so. I'll try, but I don't think it's in my genetic code, with Eveningstar and all."

"Your mother was pretty collected. And I digress, Flamebird, you're expecting kits."

My head starts to spin. _How is this supposed to work what if Funneltail hates me what if Eveningstar disowns me…_

"You cannot be serious. There is no way in all StarClan that you are serious now."

"Here's a tip for life, Flamebird. Emphasizing your point doesn't make you right. And no, I'm not lying. I have nothing to gain by lying except your mistrust, which would not be useful to me."

"B... but you don't understand! Funneltail and I aren't even real mates, this was all just to spite Eveningstar... I can't process this right now..."

Sageflower sighs.

"I'm not even going to try to be rational with you right now. You should go tell Funneltail. He might be more useful in the feelings department."

And that's what I do.

Funneltail is standing in the clearing, talking with Heatherstorm. I don't want to interrupt, but I really need a emotional stabilizer right now. So I walk into the conversation and press myself against his side. Good job me. Love interrupting conversations.

"You okay, love?" he asks with genuine concern.

Now or never.

"Can I tell you something? …In private?"

"Sure." He turns to Heatherstorm. "Sorry, I'll be back. "

We walk to a place where we probably most likely can be alone.

"So what's up?" His voice quivers with worry.

I have to tell him. Staying quiet won't do anything.

"I'm expecting kits." I mumble.

•°•°•

\- funneltail -

I freeze in place.

Flamebird's voice comes from next to me.

"And I don't know how this is supposed to turn out, and Eveningstar's going to kill us, and I'd be a terrible mother..." Her voice gets higher and more panicked with each word. "You know, you can leave and we can say it was all fake. Us, I mean."

I look over at her, and instantly feel terrible. She's trembling, looking down at the ground, I can't just leave her.

"Look, Flamebird, this is my fault too. I have to help you with this, I can't just..."

I walk up to her and wrap my tail around her.

"It'll be okay, we can do this together. You'll be okay."

She pushes me away.

"It won't be okay, though. We don't live in a fantasy world, and sooner or later, we'll need to tell people all the stupid mistakes we made! You taking responsibility now, like a noble little warrior, isn't going to help anything!"

I recoil as reality hits me like a brick wall.

_Everything she's saying, it's all true. You're a fool to think your actions have no repercussions. You've known how serious your choices were since..._

I don't know what to say about this, so I pace, not really thinking coherently. _This is all my fault... she's going to die, just like Birdwatcher... Eveningstar's going to kill me... but in all honesty, I've always wanted kits._

I hate myself for that last thought.

I turn around to look at Flamebird. She's dabbing at her cheeks with her paws unsuccessfully.

I am a terrible person.

I walk over to her and tilt her face up with the tip of my tail. Her eyes are red, most likely from crying, and I realize what this must be like for her.

I feel even worse now.

I lick the tears off her face, and hold her close.

"Eveningstar's going to kill both of us, and now we can't even say my idea worked out. Everything we have planned is completely derailed, for something that was never supposed to be serious. I..." she trails off.

"I know, I know. It's going to be okay, I swear. We'll find some way for it to work out."

She looks up at me, her green eyes still wet. "Promise that we do this together?"

I tighten my hold on her, still confused but more certain about what I should do.

"Always."

•°•°•

**Sorry I haven't updated in so long! This chapter was hard to write and I was busy with school lelele**

**But anyways, there ya go**

**I will be very confused if anyone doesn't ship them**

**The next chapter is going to be very fUN to write so it should be out soon! Maybe you'll find out about the connection between Funneltail, Eveningstar, and Flamebird's mom. **

** lelelele**

**\- niqqht**


End file.
